Hello.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
THE LAME PLAN
THE CRAZY PLAN
THE BOOTY PLAN
THE HOOK-UP PLAN
Elsa?
Elsa...
Morning, darling.
It's 9:30, sweetheart.
Huh?
9:30.
9:30?
Oh, shit!
Dad!
I'm so late for work.
But why didn't my phone ring?
- Oh, yeah... - You left the front door open.
- Good night, I'm guessing? - No, horrible.
What time's your first patient?
- Five minutes ago. - What?
PSYCHOLOGIES: CREATIVITY
Sorry, it's my daughter. She's living at home.
Hello.
No, no, no...
- Elsa! - Yes?
Here, take this.
Oh, shit! What a pain!
I'm sick of living out of boxes!
Excuse me, sorry!
Oh, no, no, no!
Hey, Victor!
Hello.
- Hi, Chantal. - Six years?
Yes, I understand. Yes.
Social housing requires a lot of paperwork,
but you do have the option...
Hello?
Hey, you.
Hey.
You look like hell.
- Tell me everything. - I can't.
- Total blackout. - Oh, right!
A really big night, then.
I need to call my phone.
Oh, time for the PR asshole?
- So? Feeling better? - What?
23:05. "Hey, Max, where are you? Did you leave the party?"
- I texted you? - 23:10. "You left with Gaia the whore."
23:12.
"Sorry, not the whore, she's probably nice."
23:13. "Except that she's a slut...
who stole my man. Bye."
Are you sure that's from me?
23:18.
"Blow yourself tomorrow."
Oh, no, no, no!
No, no, no, stupid autocorrect.
I WILL BLOW YOU TOMORROW.
- Confiscado! - Hey, I was texting!
- Were you sexting Max? - Yes, but it was a work thing.
You have to stop this.
- But why isn't he here? - To avoid this.
- He left before you arrived. - What?
- Come on, let's dance! - He was here?
Let's dance. And stop drinking!
1 o'clock. Checking you out.
No, no, no...
- He's checking you out. - Rubbish!
I'm pregnant to my ears so apart from perverts and gynos...
He's coming over. Smile.
No, don't smile.
Hey.
- How's it going? - Good.
Pervert!
- Stop it! - Pervy gyno!
- Pervert! - Not at all!
- Pervert! Go away! - Stop it! No!
Go away! Go away!
For once...
- What did he want? - Huh? Nothing.
Oh, Matthieu! King of choux!
- How's it going? - Good!
- Having fun, princesses? - Yes!
Long live French choux in Paris!
Long live France!
Long live us!
Shall we dance?
She's enjoying the open bar.
She can't get over Max.
When she finds out he's getting married and you're the groomsmen...
Right, Milou, shall we?
- I'm back at the hospital in five hours. - I'll order you a taxi.
You work such shitty shifts.
I can't. I can't leave now.
I'm babysitting.
- OK, don't come home too late. - OK.
Shots!
Was there anything else? I need to call Charlotte.
I mean, the cell she stole off me.
I mean, not stole, whatever.
Elsa...
you're a great girl.
I mean, you're smart,
you're beautiful.
But you're such a pain.
Seriously, you have to stop. I've been understanding.
- Gaia has been too. - No...No!
Elsa!
Elsa, we loved each other enough not to ruin everything, didn't we?
Have a good day.
"Blow yourself tomorrow"?
He loves himself so much he's probably tried.
I never want to drink again.
Fuck, I'm out of control!
- Do you want some fresh air? - I'm fine.
I'm sorry, girls.
- I totally ruined the evening. - Are you joking, sweetie?
- We just want you to be happy. - Yeah...
When did you last have sex?
- Not sure it's the right time... - 25 months ago.
Who knows, it might have closed up. Gross!
- What?! - Yeah, like when you pierce your ears.
When you lose the earring, it closes up.
You're stuck on Maxime's dick print. You need to free yourself!
You're stuck on his frequency, it's science!
OK, great analysis. Thanks, Dr Vagina.
We're in 2018. She doesn't need a man to get a grip.
Not a man! Just a regular penis in her vagina.
- Nonsense! - It's true!
- There's so much more to being happy. - Oh, yeah?
- Traveling, friends, work... - Sex.
No, but...
I don't want a guy for the sake of it.
I want something real.
Something extraordinary...
like I had with Maxime.
- No. - Yes!
- No. No. - But yes!
Oh, I love you.
We love you too.
I have to get up in three hours...
Good night!
Poor thing. She's so insecure she doesn't believe in anything.
There must be a way we can help.
I'd even pay for it!
Come on, Charlotte, pick up.
Yeah, Charlotte, pick up.
Well, well, Moules-Frites. You dig kebabs!
Yes, you do, just like your mommy.
You do. Come on, home time.
Come on! Hey, wake up. No work today, Mr. Choux?
- Huh? What? - No work?
- Yes... - So?
What time is it?
What's vibrating like that?
Elsa. She won't stop calling.
Why don't you pick up?
Having sex twice doesn't mean I'll listen to you.
Oh, yeah? What about three times?
There'll be no third time.
You live in London and you're best mates with my brother.
Hey!
Shit. Speak of the devil. Getting out of here won't be easy.
Wait till he's asleep or go via the roof.
- Via the roof? - Yeah!
How did you get in yesterday?
Come on.
Back to stealth mode.
- How did it go last night? - Great!
I'm off to prenatal yoga to get a spot.
Mat leave is pretty sweet.
- It'll be good for you two. - Yes. And for you two, no?
I printed you a new list.
Sleep well. Love you!
Love you!
Tidy kitchen, dust...
disinfect the toilet brush?!
She's nesting, it's great.
She's great, it's all good, we're having a baby.
In two months, everything will be back to normal.
Come on, buddy, be strong!
Hey, guys, I'm here!
Hey, boss!
It's OK, come down.
Come on, quickly!
Hurry up!
Hello?
Uh...
Could I speak to Charlotte, please?
- Charlotte? - Yes.
The girl you spent the night with, apparently.
I don't know who you're talking about. I was alone.
If you didn't go home with her, why do you have my phone?
- Did you steal it? Asshole! - Whoa!
I didn't steal it, I found it.
Yeah, right, you found it. In Charlotte's bag.
No, on the bar at the party.
Oh, shit. What a jerk.
Right, uh...
I'm sorry.
Where are you? Can I pick it up?
I could drop it off.
I'd be happy to see you again.
- We've seen each other before? - I saw you.
I ran after you and...
you left in an Uber with your friends.
And how do you know which one I am?
The others were taking pictures of you while you were sick out of the window.
Oh, no, no. I wasn't sick, I was getting some fresh air.
You looked beautiful. Where do you work? I could drop it off.
- Yes! - City Hall.
- City Hall. 6 p.m.? - 6 p.m. OK.
Carousel.
- By the carousel? - Perfect.
- See you. - See you later.
Oh, shit!
Hey, maybe he's the one!
Rubbish!
Guys who flirt on the phone like that are toads.
Otherwise, they wouldn't need a phone.
I know my shit.
Hey.
Here you go. In one piece.
Thanks.
- And sorry about earlier, on the phone. - Don't worry about it.
I'm Jules.
Jules Dupont.
Is that a pseudonym?
Sorry.
Elsa.
Elsa Elsa.
Elsa Elsa?
OK.
- So, you work at City Hall? - Yeah, hence the...
- Cool. - Yeah, cool.
Well, thanks, I...
- I'll be off. - Don't you have time to...
have a go on the carousel?
You want me to be sick again?
Pleasure to meet you, Jules Dupont.
Later, alligator.
I hope so.
" Later, alligator?"
- Yeah. - Who says that?
- Well, no one. - Think you're a comedian?
No...
- You don't even have an answer. - No...
How's it going?
Sorry, girls, I got pulled over.
- Nearly lost my license. - How did you get away with it?
- I don't want to know. - Chill out!
Just because I have sex doesn't mean I'm a whore.
Did you thank Matthieu for the job at the party?
Yeah, yeah. You know, sometimes, between friends...
- What's that look for? - Elsa...
A beautiful man returned her phone, offered her a carousel ride.
This idiot refused.
Lost her tongue, too?
Can we Google him? Facebook?
- No... - Twitter!
No, his name is Jules Dupont.
- There are thousands of them! - Shit.
We'll find him, I know it.
- He was at the party, right? - So?
He didn't come alone. Check your photos.
Maybe he was with someone we know.
- Yeah... - Come on!
We'll never find him.
- It's him! - What?
What?
"Dinner Friday night. Roger la Grenouille, 8 p.m.?"
And his phone number!
It's like Amélie. Lucky you!
Yeah, but no. No.
- No, no, no. - What do you mean?
I won't go because...
- I'm sorry? - What's that?
...because the guy looks...
like a GQ model.
Like he does sunbeds, gets his teeth whitened.
The whole thing is really awkward.
- I quite like it. - No...
- I bet he wears tighty-whities. - Let me explain.
- You're going. - Oh, yes.
You're going, and I'm warning you.
If you mention your ex's name once, I will kill you. Got it?
You see, Maxime was a narcissistic pervert.
You know about narcissistic perverts?
They have nothing to do with sexual perverts.
Even though the sex was really...
it was really unique.
But Maxime wasn't a pervert all the time.
No, he wasn't.
The problem is that, today,
the term is overused, you see?
Yeah, totally.
- Look at me. - Yes?
There we go. I wanted to see your eyes.
- I can't see anything without glasses. - Oh, yeah?
Shall we order?
- Yeah... - I'm starving!
The bill, buddy?
No, we're going to...
we'll have a snack.
The house specials are the andouillette and foie-gras platters.
Shit...Are you vegan?
Oh, no. Not at all!
No, my friends call me Miss Piggy.
I mean not in a sexual way, just like the animal.
Yeah. Nothing to do with...
- Mixed platter? - Mixed platter.
One mixed platter coming up for the lovebirds!
And what about you?
Tell me about yourself.
OK.
You're the boss. What do you want to know?
Well, what do you do?
I'm a teacher.
Oh, yeah?
- You look nothing like a teacher. - Oh, it's just preschool.
Older than seven and I'm lost, intellectually.
That was a joke.
- Shit, I thought... - You thought?
I actually thought you were really thick.
No, it's great.
It's great.
She's stopped replying.
Do you think he killed her? It happens.
- Trust her! Stop hassling her. - It's stressing me out.
- I don't want her to be set back. - No chance.
- How's it going? - Hey.
- Talking about me? - Of course, what else?
When Elsa isn't here, we change the subject.
What can I tell you about myself?
I love my job, I have a great flat and I have amazing friends.
I'm currently single by choice.
A woman doesn't need a man to feel good or be happy.
I completely agree.
What about you?
Same. I don't need a man to feel good or be happy.
As his Katie, his pretty Katie
She just chucked him out His Katie chucked him out
And he's drawn a blank
This old grand duke with his schemes And his white Russian tips and tricks
My tactic was tacky Says Igor in a snore
Blind drunk on the bar counter
A white Russian feeling blue
Strange stroke of fate! The ribald revelers chuckle away
Igor, once more, emits a snore But here by his ear
Marvel! It's a silver clock Giving him hints and tips
In his deep slumber
Tick-tock, tick-tock Your Katie chucked you out
Tick-tock, tick-tock...
It's crazy you know this song!
Yeah?
I love Boby Lapointe.
I didn't know.
Hurry up, it's freezing. Enough with your cigarettes.
All right!
The guy knows Boby Lapointe.
- Is he her secret brother? - Huh?
- What? - I didn't know.
- How would you? - Yeah, no.
Would you have sex on her dad's couch? In the waiting room.
- I don't know. - Yes or no?
- Yeah. After the consultations. - Yeah?
OK, perfect.
Elsa won't have sex on the first date. I told her not to.
I'm sorry but not having sex on the first date is whorish.
It is.
I'm freezing. Can we ditch the guys?
- I'm shattered. - Let's go.
Sorry.
Please. Shall I walk you home?
No, I'm OK, I...
- I can get home on my own, I'm a big girl. - Are you sure?
Was it that bad?
I survived.
No, but...
let's speak soon?
If you give me your number.
It might use up too much space.
- I've got yours, I'll call you. - OK.
Good night, Jules Dupont.
Good night, Miss Piggy.
Don't go that way!
Are you thick, Amine?
Why is he going that way?
Look! He's literally going around in circles!
Look at that!
Lighting a cigarette might make him come.
- Crazy about the Nokia, right? - Yeah.
She went on about no iPhones and bam!
He let her go so at least he's not a psychopath.
Ah, well done, Amine!
Right, come on.
No way. Such an idiot.
Are you Emilie?
About time, I don't have keys.
Yeah, I had three castings in a day, it's not...
it's pretty intense but that's the job.
Yeah. And I'm teaching drama in prisons.
I'm a sponge so, emotionally, it's tough.
The guys are scary but they have a heart.
OK, I'll tell you all about it. See you!
She's so silly.
It was your mum.
- She didn't want to talk to me? - She likes me better.
- Weren't you working tonight? - Yes.
- You're home early. - Yeah.
- Can you believe it? - What?
Well, nothing for two years...
and the first guy who sticks around for two minutes ticks all the boxes.
Avoid the station. Waze isn't God.
It's too good to be true.
Right?
Who knows where Cupid's arrows will end up?
Charlotte, look at me.
- This traffic is such mierda. - Charlotte, turn around.
What?
Spit it out.
- Spit what out? - I know you're lying.
You're hiding something.
You're being sneaky.
You gave me a genius idea!
You had a genius idea? OK, I'm scared.
Remember when you said you'd pay for Elsa to feel better?
What have you done?
A whore.
- Who are we talking about? - Jules! The guy.
He's a man-whore.
- I don't get it. - He's here to save her. Shag her.
Tell me you're joking. Now. You're joking, right?
You're joking?
No, why?
Hang on, he's not a real hooker.
He's a high-class hooker.
Maybe even a super-high-class hooker.
Subtitled by: Julia Knapp